I recently discovered you can cross the border into the U.S. without passports and with booze and fruit in the car.

But to avoid this, don鈥檛 shut off your GPS if you haven鈥檛 driven through Osoyoos in 30 years.

My wife and I were on our way back to the Island from the Okanagan and I wanted to take Highway 3 instead of the Coquihalla. We saw the sign in Osoyoos to go east to Castlegar, but nothing pointing west, so I kept driving straight. A short time later we encountered a sign saying we鈥檙e entering the U.S. and we didn鈥檛 see a U-turn. I said, 鈥淣o big deal. The guys at the border will help us out when we tell them what happened.鈥�

Moments later, a U.S. customs agent recites a script of questions he seemed incapable of deviating from.

鈥凄别蝉迟颈苍补迟颈辞苍?鈥�

鈥淎ctually we鈥檙e trying to turn around back into Canada, we missed our turn to Vancouver.鈥�

鈥淧补蝉蝉辫辞谤迟蝉?鈥�

鈥淣o, we weren鈥檛 intending to cross the border.鈥�

鈥泪顿?鈥�

I hand over our driver鈥檚 licences.

鈥淰补肠肠颈苍补迟颈辞苍蝉?鈥�

I hand him our little green cards with the QR codes.

鈥淒o you have any liquor in the car?鈥�

鈥淵es. We鈥檙e not supposed to be here.鈥�

鈥淔谤耻颈迟?鈥�

鈥渊别蝉.鈥�

鈥淎ny cannabis, weapons in the car?鈥�

鈥淣辞.鈥�

鈥淩oll down your back window for me.鈥� (Glances inside. Sees cooler, but apparently no cannabis or weapons.)

鈥淒id you stop at the duty-free store?鈥�

鈥淲hat? No. We鈥檙e not supposed to be here.鈥�

The Osoyoos border crossing that day 鈥� maybe most days 鈥� seemed devoid of human life except for us and border security people, at least three of whom jumped on their computers to do background checks on us. Minutes later, Agent Strange, according to his name patch, asks, 鈥淪o, when was the last time you intentionally crossed the border?鈥�

鈥�2019.鈥�

It was the answer he was looking for, I guess, because he handed back our licences and said, 鈥淗ey, Chris, you were born in Los Angeles and you鈥檙e all vaccinated. You know you鈥檙e welcome to come and go anytime, right?鈥�

Strange said pre-pandemic they鈥檇 get at least one car an hour that missed the turn and ended up at the border. We said, there鈥檚 no sign. We鈥檇 have to talk to the Canadians about that, he said, and handed us a yellow slip to give to the CBSA people next door 鈥� the Canadian and U.S. border services in Osoyoos share the same building with a wall between them 鈥� and said to get back into Canada we鈥檒l likely have to set up the ArriveCan app and that鈥檒l probably be more hassle than dealing with him.

We made a U-turn and explained our situation to a CBSA agent who asked us much the same questions his American counterpart had, handed us instructions on how to set up the ArriveCan app, had us pull into a parking stall to set up the app, and told us to go inside the office if we need help. About 90 seconds later, we went inside for help.

I did make a comment to a young CBSA officer filling out forms to get us back into Canada that this could be an episode on the Border Security TV series. He kind of grimaced and said, 鈥淭his just isn鈥檛 that interesting.鈥�

(Well, maybe it鈥檚 just part of the background noise to you, buddy, but you鈥檙e not standing on this side of the counter.)

Nobody confiscated our liquor or fruit and we arrived at Tsawwassen in time for our ferry to Duke Point.

Two days later my wife received a call from 鈥楾oll Free Serv.鈥� Because we鈥檇 visited the U.S., she鈥檇 been selected for random COVID testing.

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