This is the 3rd part of a 4 part series on Willpower, Do we need it? If so, How do we strengthen it?
We鈥檝e been looking at the ingredients of behaviour change: Standards, Monitoring, Self-regulatory Strength (Willpower) and Motivation and how we can take our understanding of these concepts and develop solid strategies to implement a bullet proof plan for change. Whether it鈥檚 rehabilitation from an injury, changes to your health, or even weight loss, acknowledging, understanding and applying techniques based on the principles of personal change management will significantly increase our chances of success!
In my last two articles I asked the question:
Just how important is willpower? How is it different from Motivation?
READ MORE: Willpower versus motivation
And鈥� What can I do to strengthen it? We looked at willpower from the perspective of the 12 step addiction and recovery program Alcoholics Anonymous and the acronym H.A.L.T. Hunger. Anger. Loneliness. Tired. These are the emotional and physiological states we really want to avoid if we want to stay motivated and maintain our willpower for those times when we actually need it!
READ MORE:
In this article I鈥檓 going to tackle those challenging emotional states, anger and loneliness and I鈥檓 going to introduce some strategy for avoiding, or changing those feelings before they can take root and ruin our plans for change. This approach is somewhat based on the work of Dr. Lisa Feldman Barret, a cognitive psychologist and a leading researcher in the field of emotion. In her book, How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain, Dr. Feldman theorizes that emotion is not an inherent human trait shared by all mankind, but that emotions are constructed in the moment, based on physical sensation, learning, and the predictive capabilities of the human brain.
This is only one theory on emotion, but who hasn鈥檛 been 鈥渟et off鈥� by a misspoken word, or a misunderstanding? Had the tone for the entire day changed by a interpersonal interaction where we simply didn鈥檛 understand what the other person meant? Dr. Feldman talks about the construction of our emotions and how language and culture play a role in both our situational emotional responses as well as our general daily disposition.
Now, I love language - vocabulary 鈥� and I believe that the subtleties and the nuances of a word can impact our immediate feelings and our everyday emotional state. Whether emotions are inherent or constructed, words have power! It鈥檚 why I don鈥檛 talk hacks, I interpret that word as a simple shortcut, a quick fix, and that diminishes the critical concepts of time and patience. Instead, I talk strategy and strategize, because (to me at least) these words suggests seriousness and the language I use strengthens my commitment to the plan for change.
labelling our emotional state is the first step in changing it, but it鈥檚 important to note that putting a label on a feeling is not the same as putting a label on me! If I say 鈥渞ight now, I feel sad鈥�, it鈥檚 not the same as saying 鈥淚 am sad鈥�. That distinction might seem minor, but I don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 minor at all. In my experience working with people to change (especially myself ;-) ) I鈥檝e heard / said some really distressing self-talk, negative global labels like, 鈥淚 can鈥檛 do anything right鈥�, statements that can鈥檛 possibly be true, but that serve to reinforce negative belief systems.
So it starts with language that labels the feeling in that specific moment and then moves toward changing that label, but how do we do that? The power of language, of a single word that can illustrate a concept is a part of the work Dr.Feldman discusses in her book. For example, is a word that is becoming more common in North American English, a German word for the guilty pleasure we take in the misfortune of others.
I鈥檓 not suggesting that we learn German or Japanese, but I do believe that we should invest just a little time in learning some additional emotional English vocabulary and then using that new knowledge to more fully understand and then change our emotional state. English teacher Kaitlin Robbs Wheel of Emotion is a brilliant tool to help label a feeling and to then move towards a different mental space using language that resonates, supports, and empowers.
Speaking to yourself with kindness can be challenging (I speak from personal experience鈥� it even can bring on some strange stares in public鈥� but I鈥檝e learned to just pretend I鈥檓 on speakerphone ;-), but why not try it? Not just internal or verbal dialogue, but try writing it down as well. In all my training and courses I recommend journaling, a practice whose benefits have been well documented and one that I believe is critical to change. On the surface, enhancing our emotional fluency, speaking kindly to ourselves and showing some self-compassion, might not seem connected to weight-loss or changes to our health and fitness, but avoiding those negative willpower crushing emotions certainly is.
ABOUT SEAN HAWHORNE:
Sean Hawthorne is the owner and operator of OneLife Health and Wellness, 91大黄鸭鈥檚 first and longest running private, personal training facility. While working in Dubai, UAE as a Contracts and Project Manager, Sean decided to leave his successful career in Civil Engineering Technology and pursue his passion for health, fitness and helping others achieve their goals. He returned to Canada in 2001, taking formal education in Exercise Science and starting his career in the field of health and fitness. Working in collaboration with their clients, Sean and his team of health and fitness professionals strive to continually improve their skills and to help everyone reach their goals.
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